Adopting patrons

So I've had the pleasure of getting-to-know many of my teen patrons who frequent the library more often than most. In the area where my library is situated, we're surrounded by condos and apartment complexes, most of them are filled with single parents and several children...some of them teenagers. We're also surrounded by a lot of homes- some with loving parents and some with less-than ideal situations. But regardless, for whatever reason, teens flock to the library each evening after school, whether it's to update their Facebook or Myspace pages, laugh at videos on Youtube, do homework, pick out a great book, or converse with friends, they're there- and I'm glad. I want the teens there- even when they're ruffling my feathers and pushing my buttons.

For several teens the Library is a Home Away from Home, or just more of a home environment in general, where adults look over them or at least pay some attention to what they're needs are- whether it's a book for a book report, help with homework, a snack before dinner, or small talk about what's going on.

With some of these teens, I've learned more about their home lives. I've heard some stories that make me sick to my stomach- adoptive parents telling kids they can't go to college, not buying them proper shoes that fit on their ever-growing feet, and even locking them out of the house each morning so they "don't get into trouble".

After talking at length with one of my teens last night I had to resist the urge to bring them (a brother sister pair) home with me. I mean, of course I know I couldn't ever do this. But when I used to work in Daycare, and when I worked as a student teacher, it became painfully obvious how many negligent parents there are out there. I'm certain that most of them do it because they don't know of another way- but it hurts my heart to know that hopes and dreams can be dashed so quickly of these bright teenagers who are so full of personality and intellect that they could certainly make huge differences in the world when they grow up. I can't believe that parents- particularly adoptive parents, would choose to treat their adopted kids/teens with such disregard and disrespect. I doubt they realize how insidious that kind of abuse is, and how it will effect the generations that their own kids end up creating.

Why adopt a child or children or teenagers if you don't plan on loving them? If you don't plan on providing for them the things that their biological parents can't provide?! I'm under the assumption that many adoptions and foster families go along with this system for the monetary aspect of the responsibility. They agree to adopt/foster, in order for the government handout that comes along with the kid, and that's it.

I've said it before- I'm pretty much broke. But when I talk to these kids and realize that their parents won't buy them shoes that fit, won't allow them to participate in sports, won't provide them with a nutritious dinner or breakfast before school, I realize that I could do that. I could certainly send a teenager to school with a granola bar and an apple- a sandwich and $3 for lunch. I could certainly splurge on a $40 pair of shoes every so often and I know that I could afford the room in my heart to listen to these kids- that's mostly what they want, is to be acknowledged and listened to.

It makes me hate the "system" that ignores bad parenting in situations where the system IS responsible for placing children in loving homes. We can't avoid placing biological kids in crappy home lives, but when people are fostering and adopting kids and teens, who have already had many many crosses to bear, I think it's absurd that the system can't more adequately provide these kids with what they need.

So last night, as I sat on my break, thinking over the stories that I heard from a young patron who explained to me only SOME of her home situation, it became painfully obvious to me that by choosing this field (as opposed to choosing education) I did not escape the feeling of wanting to "Save the children" from their crappy home situations. I was hoping I'd never have to have that heartaching feeling again (after my years of daycare and education experiences).

It sucks to feel so helpless and know what these great kids are going through. It sucks to feel like I can only give them animal crackers and homework help, instead of new shoes, a ride to school that's 4 miles away, or a bed that they could call their own.