I need a megaphone.

So due to the school year still being "in session" we are still open on sundays from 1-5. This has its advantages and disadvantages. For one, full-time employees show up a half-hour early and leave a half-hour later to fill up the extra hours they need in order to have one day off during the week. I've decided that the only thing more complicated than a Librarian's work schedule is a surgeon's work schedule. And the only reason surgeon's work schedules are more complicated is that they have beepers and cell phones to keep them on-call while they're not at the hospital. Thankfully the library hasn't suggested this method of keeping librarians on-call, but remembering when I work and what weekends I work either just saturday, or saturday AND sunday, and if I work sunday then I have a day off during the week and work an extra hour two of those 4 days....well I'm just lucky I show up at the right library, much less at the right time.

Anyhow, the library is still open on Sundays for those 4 hours, and I would venture to say that at our branch we were busy for 2 of the 4 hours. And right now, it seems to never-fail-- the last hour we're open, people come filing in the doors as though it's Philene's Basement Wedding Dress extravaganza. This is not cool, because at half-past that hour, the person in charge is required to make an announcement: "The library will be closing in 30 minutes." There are variations of this announcement. You can add, "If you have items to check out, please proceed to the checkout lines, as our computers shut down at closing" (which is mostly true, but not completely). Or, you can say, "The library is closing in thirty minutes. If you need a ride home, please make arrangements now." Etc.

At my other library, it was large enough for a PA microphone. So the person making the announcment felt less silly- entitled in fact, to announce almost anything. With a microphone you have something important to say.

At the new library, well it's only 5000ish square feet. Having a microphone would be silly, since most people can hear a conversation being whispered on the other side of the library without straining their ears. So we saved the money and opted to clearly speak the announcment from the front desk, with authority.

I am five foot four inches tall. Though at one point in my life I was a cheerleader, I do not choose to use that booming voicebox of mine to make this announcement. I need a megaphone. OR a bullhorn. OR-- something that looks like I have the authority to make this announcement. Perhaps a funny hat or a sheriff's star-shaped pin for my lapel. I need something that will attract the attention of those patrons with headphones on, watching Lil' Boozie videos on YouTube or talking on their cellphones. No one pays attention to me during these announcments. I feel as though I'm interrupting people, and they get irritated when I say (nicely) that the library is closing. I feel like I'm throwing a party at my house, starting to get sleepy and want to go to bed, so I have to stand up and tell everyone to get out so I can go to sleep. I find it rude. But I DO want them to leave, so I can go home and get started on that personal life I'm supposed to have. But I get dirty looks, particularly from the people who just walked in the door, with only 28 minutes of Library Time available to them.

It's not as though we keep our hours a secret. The looks/glares I get from making this announcement make it seem that way though. We actually paid someone a good deal of money (I think) to put the Library Hours on the door-- in big white block print. It's pretty hard to miss. But people still look at me like I'm the rude hostess just waiting for them to go home so I can do something more fun than help them figure out how to use Microsoft Word 2007.

Sigh.

But I managed to herd them out with a few minutes to spare, making the announcement every 15, 10, and 5 minute mark from our closing time, so the kids could check out our Diego books and wrap up their surfing on Singles.net.

Pretty soon we'll be closed on Sundays, and THAT will be awesome. Until Memorial Day....